My little piece of heaven.

For me, it's beautiful music.

For someone else it might be a piece of literature, for another a painted masterpiece. For some it might be the scene at the top of a tall mountain, or for another watching a child speak his first word.

For me, it's beautiful music.

It's that thing that just really speaks to your soul. It's the language of your heart. It's whatever it is that thing that God put on earth for you that "gives you hope for a better world", that reminds you that good is still winning, that lets you touch heaven.

For me, it's beautiful music.

It's Beethoven's "Pathetique" or Ravel's "Bolero". It's the Finale of Mahler 1, or the 1st movement of the Herbert cello concerto. Or the 2nd movement of Dvorak's 9th or the 1st movement of Beethoven's Triple.

For me, it's beautiful music.

You know, God wants for us to be happy. "Men are that they might have joy"! We are here to have joy! And even when times are the very hardest of all, there are still wonderful pieces of literature, and there are still really tall mountains to climb, and there are still little children saying "Mama" for the first time ever. And there's still beautiful music. There's still heaven to touch  and good to win and hope to feel. There are still smiles to give and smiles to receive. There are still sunrises to watch and hands to hold tight and walks to go on and there's still beautiful music.

What's your beautiful music? What is it that speaks to your soul? What is your heaven? Let it give you hope. Let it give you whatever it is you need to get up another day and try again. I promise there's some good waiting for you today. There's some hope waiting for you today. There's some heaven waiting for you today.

For me, it's beautiful music.

2014, BABY.

Well, it sure has been a while, ain't it.

Don't worry, I'm still alive. I would like to point out, though, that I am now 18 1/2, which is a big deal. Sorry if you missed my dance party in my room that day. Everyone missed it, actually, because I only invited myself.

Anyway, let's get the real stuff!! I checked my Facebook the other day, and apparently I finished my first semester of college!! You see, I slept so much of Christmas Break, these details of my life escaped my little mind. The nice thing about college is you don't have to remember ANYTHING over Christmas Break. (I mean, I tried to remember how to play the violin and how to write my name, but that's about it.) All of my classes only last one semester and then they're DONE FOREVERRRRR. So basically my Christmas Break was spent emptying my brain of all this information and creating room to put a bunch more in this semester.

Now, I will say 5 highlights of my first semester at college. And then I will say 5 lowlights, just to balance things out a bit.

NUMBER ONE:

I learned how to ride elevators. One day, I was marching down the hallway on the way to the stairs, and I saw the elevator out of the corner of my eye. I thought, "I should ride that." It was the first time that I thought of this without forcing myself to think it. And then I thought, "Naw, tomorrow." But, I kept that little promise to myself! I rode it the next day TWO WHOLE TIMES. And the next day? 8 times. EIGHT. Now, I ride it every day :)

NUMBER TWO:

I soloed with the UTAH FREAKIN SYMPHONY! Which, I mean, for a little girl like me was a huge deal. I just walked out there in a bright red dress with two handsome boys and played my little heart out. And it was the very best 18 minutes of my entire little life. I really like my violin.

NUMBER THREE:

I read the whole Book of Mormon in 40 DAYS!!! I was terribly nervous that this goal of mine that I set on November 4th wouldn't actually happen, considering I've never read the thing in less than like a year and a half. But, real life says that I did it! I finished about an hour before my last final as a first semester college Freshman on December 14, 2013. My mind was in a good place and my time was prioritized especially a lot during those 40 days and that's what I attribute my being alive right now to. Otherwise, finals would have eaten me alive.

NUMBER FOUR:

I can, without paying extra money, eat M&M's at every meal if I so desire. They come in the Meal Plan. I think that's all that needs to be said.

NUMBER FIVE:

I've learned more in one semester of college than I have in my entire life, I think. I've learned how to do theory and how to sing DO RE MI style. I've learned how to deal with stupid wrists. I've learned how to read the Book of Mormon super duper quick. I've learned how to go to class even when I would rather sleep for about 46 hours. I've learned how to consistently be close to God. I've learned how to ride elevators, and love my mom even when she's 1,648 miles away, and even how to lower my bunk bed with a broken sledge hammer and no boys to help me. (Melissa and I are awesome.)

All in all, it was one heck of a semester.

Now, my lowlights.

NUMBER ONE:

I lost my favorite ring. Um, annoying.

NUMBER TWO:

I have to shower with shoes on every day. Gross.

NUMBER THREE:

I've lost my finger nail clippers twice now, which is stupid, because I always need to clip my finger nails. I'm on my third pair in this very moment.

NUMBER FOUR:

Laundry costs money. Real money.

NUMBER FIVE:

It's really cold today.

I think there was more good than bad, yeah? Here's to a new brand new semester. Starting in approximately 1 hour and 23 minutes. Night, y'all.

All my love,

Emily

Be happy cause Jesus loves you.

Oh, you know, just on my way to the Rite Aid down the street, just like any ol' day. It's pretty cold outside, so I'm all bundled up in my coat and have my hands stuffed in my pockets. I'm shivering, of course, because I'm pretty sure it's like a disorder I have or something, how much I shiver and all. I'm standing there waiting for a kagillion years for that orange hand to turn into a blue, florescent person in a walking stance. Quite frankly, I'm thinking about very little. I'm just being.

I see this man walking down the sidewalk out of the corner of my eye. He looks tired, and probably really hungry, and like he hadn't showered in a little too long, and maybe even a little unsure about where his bed was gonna be that night. I didn't think much of him, he was just goin on his way like I was goin on mine. When all the sudden, as he was passing me, he looked at me and he said,

him: "Now don't you go on lookin so depressed now!"
*I jumped SO HIGH when he started talking. Like I probably scared the livin daylights outta the poor guy.*
me: "Oh! Uh, sorry! Yeah, I'm happy!"
him: "Jesus loves you! Jesus loves you so much and you never forget that!! Okay? You never forget that!"
me: "Okay! Yeah, thanks! Yes, He does! Thank you!"
him: "He gave His soul for you on that cross, and you never forget that! You never forget how much He loves you! He loves you so much! Be happy cause Jesus loves you!"
me: "Yes, yes, He does! Thank you!"
him: "You know, I'm Baptist, but I know that Jesus loves you! And I love you!"
*he proceeds to shake my hand vigorously*
him: "I love you so much! And you have a good day!"
me: "Thank you! You have a good day, too!"

To be honest, it was one of the weirder experiences I've had upon coming to Nashville. But even this tired, probably really hungry, not terribly clean, and might be sleepin on a park bench tonight guy… yeah, even he knows what's most important. What's very most important is that "Jesus loves you and that I love you". In the end, it doesn't really matter how much money you got, or how big your wardrobe is, or how smart you seem to the world. All that really matters is that Jesus loves you and I love you. 

"I am Jesus Christ, the Son of God, who was ^acrucified for the sins of the world, even as many as will ^bbelieve on my name, that they may become the ^csons of God, even ^done in ^eme as I am ^fone in the Father, as the Father is one in me, that we may be one."
-Doctrine and Covenants 35:2

Not your typical hiking experience...

Sometimes the mountains that we are given just seem way too big. And the fact of the matter is that they ARE too big, if we take them on alone. But if we allow God to help us out, any mountain in our path is a manageable climb. You just gotta make sure you're hikin with an expert.

Someday my stupid tendonitis-ed wrists will get better. Unfortunately, that day isn't day, and most likely won't be tomorrow, and probably won't even be any time this week, and it's a really big mountain for a little girl like me livin on the 7th floor of Hank Ingram House in Nashville, Tennessee to climb.

But God has a plan.
He knows better than me.
And I'm gonna be okay with that.
He'll help me climb up.

Actually, I think He'll have to drag me up because I'm not very strong and I run out of breath pretty easy. My "PUT A SMILE ON THAT FACE!" attitude doesn't last very long sometimes. But, I think He'll let me take water breaks where I'll call my mom and make the missionaries give me another priesthood blessing and eat yet another package of pretzel M&M's (It's a serious addiction. Like, SERIOUS.). Yeah, He'll let me take those breaks. But He'll also reach His arm out after a few minutes and say, "Alright, sista. Let's keep goin." And then someday, well, me and Him, we'll get to the top. And when when we do? I have a feeling there's gonna be one HECK of a view. And I'll be like a kagillion feet higher than I was before, which will be sweet.

So till then, I guess I'm just gonna keep holdin on to God's hand for dear life and do my best to climb up that mountain. Wish me luck?

Besides, I've always liked a good hike.

DON'T JUMP OVER THE FENCE!

When I was in high school, sometimes I felt restricted.
Confined.
"Un-free."

I wanted a later curfew on the weekends.
I wanted to choose what movies I watched.
I wanted to have sleep overs with my girlfriends,
I wanted to be allowed to stay up however late I wanted on... get this... A SCHOOL NIGHT.

And then I got to college.

I can stay out however late I want on the weekends!
My parents don't expect me to text them to ask them if I can watch a given movie.
I live with one of my girlfriends. Slumber party every night!
And ain't no one comin in my room at night saying, "Lights off, please!!"

But you know what?

I still try to go to bed at reasonable hour on the weekends.
I don't watch R-rated movies.
Our slumber parties consist of doing our homework and cleaning our room,
And our lights are out by like 11. Not bad for college, eh?

It doesn't make sense! I should be pulling all nighters every night of the week!! I should be living it UP at college!!

But I learned something at Institute a couple weeks into school that helped this all make sense to me.

When I go to the zoo, I'm grateful for the bars.

When I go to the zoo, I'm grateful  that there are cages, and bars, and signs that say, "DON'T JUMP OVER THE FENCE!" I'm grateful there are zoo keepers that remind me to "Stay behind the rope, please!" And I'm grateful I can enjoy the zoo, despite being surrounded by animals that COULD KILL ME AT ANY GIVEN MOMENT. And, quite frankly, I'd rather not be mauled by a bear.

It's the same in life. In life, I'm grateful for the bars. I'm grateful that I have restrictions, and rules, and people lookin' out for me, whether they by my mother at night telling me to turn lights off, or my Relief Society President asking if I've done my visiting teaching this month. (Which, I totally have, just so you know.) Because, those bars? They're actually not restricting US at all. They restricting the bad, the evil, the extremely dangerous, like you'll realllllly regret jumping over the fence. Because those bars? The enable us to live in the world but not of the world, like Jesus taught us. Because those bars? They're keeping us safe. They're keeping us happy. And, in real life, they're keeping us very, very free.

So, let's decide to not get mauled by a bear, okay? Not at the zoo, and not in life.

UM. EMILY. HELLO.

So, I have what I like to call a stupid wrist and because I have a stupid wrist, I can't play the violin, which is annoying cause THAT'S WHY I'M HERE. But I've learned that God has this tendency to talk to us in lots of different ways even when we have stupid wrists and empty hearts due to such things. Wanna hear an example? Here:

Thursday morning. I wake up at 8:03. Class starts at 8:10. I arrived at 8:09. Please, please, save your applause for later.

Yes, I looked as if I had gotten ran over by a truck on the way to class, but it's fine, cause I was totally on time.

But, even though I was on time, and even though it was a lovely day outside, and even though I was brave enough to ride the elevator, I was still feeling annoyed at frustrated and confused because of my stupid wrist and rough nights and other things that can make my life hard and I felt kind of like this: "I JUST WANT TO GET BACK IN BED BECAUSE MY AWAKENING THIS MORNING WAS FAR TOO ABRUPT."

But then I had a thought. (God's pretty good at putting those in my head when I really need them.) I decided to make two lists. One of things I couldn't change in my life, and things I could change in my life.

(Only MAYBE I was making these lists during class.)

On the first list, I had things like my stupid wrist is being stupid, I couldn't do what I do best, I woke up 7 minutes before class, I looked like that truck that had run over me that morning was actually for real, it was a rough night the night before, I had just gotten a C- on a stupid test, blah, blah blah. Ultimately, I had about 7 or 8 things on that list.

On the second list, though, I couldn't stop writing. I could actually get ready for the day (wait, what?), I could eat breakfast, I could sing out loud (this is real life. no need to make fun.), I could talk to my two very best of friends: Henry and Melissa, I could read my scriptures, I could pray to God, I could dance (also real life.) I could heat up my stupid wrist, I could take medicine for my stupid wrist, the list went on and on and on and on and on. Just a bunch of things that I could change in my life that could make it better.

After class got out at 9:25, I ran upstairs and started to dig into my list. I sang out loud and danced while I got ready for the day. I prayed to God and I walked to the cafeteria to get some breakfast. I sat on a comfy little couch with my strawberries, muffin, and hot chocolate, and pulled out my computer to listen to a conference talk. I listened and I ate and I already felt so much better. Things were already looking a little up.

Quick side note: Once I had written on my list "talk to Henry boy and Melissa", I didn't think much of it, cause I've never actually seen them on Thursday mornings, cause we have different schedules. I was already feeling so much better, I didn't think of that one on my list.

God did, though.

Right as President Holland said, "Amen", I looked to my right and saw Henry walking towards me. He sat down and we talked for a few minutes and my mind didn't even process that God was practically yelling at me that he had been watching over my shoulder in class that morning and was helping me accomplish every last one of my things on my list. We just talked like normal, when all of the sudden, he said, "Hey, look! There's Melissa!" Lo and behold, there's Melissa getting her breakfast. She comes over, and we talk, and my mind still doesn't hear God up there saying, "UM. EMILY. HELLO."

Then, Melissa had to go to class, and Henry had to go to class, and I had to go to physical therapy, and that was that.

It wasn't till, oh, about dinner time that I finally got it. I pictured God sitting on His throne up there laughing and shaking His head saying, "Didn't see that one comin', did ya?"

Nope, I sure didn't. But, boy am I glad that He took the time to remind me through two real live angels that He's there for me and He hasn't forgotten about me, even if I do have a stupid wrist.

He's there. He's watching. He's taking care of us. He showed me through two people who mean the world to me, and He'll show you through whatever makes you smile, even if you have a stupid wrist or you have a rough night or you get a C- on a stupid test like me. I promise it!

"You keep on bein a good girl, you hear me?"

The Vandy Van. Also known as the greatest thing Vanderbilt ever thought of. It's basically just public transportation just for Vanderbilt students that runs between the hours of 5 pm and 5 am every night. For most people, it's so they don't die walking home drunk from the Frats. But for me? So I don't die walking home alone from late night practicing. Sober.

Anyway, last night I jumped on the Vandy Van at, oh 5:30ish, to go do some practicing before I met some friends. I ALMOST MISSED THE BLUE VAN so I had to run super fast. The nice driver, Ms. Stevens, waited for me, and I climbed on, plotted myself on the very first row, and said, huffing and puffing, "Th-- (breath. breath) Thank (cough, breath, cough) you (more coughing and breathing)!!!"

She proceeded to look at me through her little rear view mirror and said to me, in her thick, Southern, black woman accent (the best kind, btw),

"I've NEVER seen you before!! Do you have an ID??"
"Yes, ma'am!" (and then I showed her my lovely student ID)
"Well! I have never seen you before!! I have worked here 13 years and I have never seen you before!"
"Well, I mean, I am a freshman!"
"I know, but I know ALL of the freshman. (just so you know, there are 1600 of us....) I'm the famous vandy van driver, Ms. Stevens. You've probably heard of me before."
PAUSE. Please keep reading this in your best thick, Southern, black woman accent. It makes it way better.
CONTINUE.
"Oh, yes, ma'am! I've heard of you before! You're the one who pulls over to the side of the road to pick up drunk students lyin on the side of the road in the middle of the night!"
"Yeah, you better believe that's me!! I have never seen you before!!"
"Well, I don't drink, you see, and I ain't on the bus, drunk, in the middle of the night, after comin from the Frats."
"You don't drink?? Oh, you are a rare breed!! I am SO glad I met you!! You stay that way!! I am SO glad I met you!! You know, I raised triplets, and they were always studious in college, and they never drank none either. You know, they're all dentists in California now. That's why I have white teeth. And you know, they's the best kids. Oh, they're my pride and joy!! I love those kids with all my heart! And, you know, they's rollin in the DOUGH over their in California, them bein dentists and all. Oh, they's just the best kids!!
"Well, you know, Ms. Stevens, you raised 'em!! You musta raised 'em pretty good if they turned out so good!"
"Me and my husband, we put our ALL into those kids! They told us when they were 8 years old they wanted to be dentists and we put our ALL in helpin them be just that. We taught them how to clean up, and everything! We raised them from the ground up, those kids. And you know, I tell them, that when they do their dentistry over there in California, they needa give their services to people who can't afford none, cause you know, we gotta give back in our world. We need help those that can't help themselves none! It's our responsibility!!"
"Well, Ms. Stevens, I think you're doin just that when you help poor drunk kids on the side of the road! You're helpin them out when they can't help themselves!!"
"You know, when I see them out there, I think 'That is someone's child out there!!' And then I go and help them, cause, you know, I love my kids with all my heart! And, you know, I go through 8 pairs of tennis shoes a year because of those kids pukin' up all over 'em when I try to help them get in the van! But, it's worth it, cause I's gettin those kids home safe."
"Ms. Stevens, that is so good of you! You're helpin those kids so much!"
*then we got to my stop*
"What's your name again? I have never seen you before!! I am so glad I met you! You made my night! I hope I see you again! You keep on bein a good girl, you hear me? And you don't drink none and you be safe, you hear me?"
"I'm Emily! And yes, ma'am! Thank you, ma'am! You have a good night!"

I seriously couldn't stop smiling. Guys, there are good people everywhere. People that will sacrifice 8 pairs of tennis shoes a year. People that'll drag drunk 19 year-olds into their van so they get home safe. There are good people everywhere. And you know what else? You don't gotta do much to share what you believe in. All you gotta do is live it. And people will notice. She noticed my decision not to drink, simply because I don't drink. I noticed her amazing spirit, simply because of how she spends her weekends: drivin the Vandy Vans.

Don't underestimate the power of example. People are watching.
And always, always, always, believe in good people everywhere.