I hadn't even thought about it.

Yesterday was a BIG day.

Why?

I'll tell you.

Yesterday was the first time in a really really really long time I've walked out of an elevator without even remotely thinking about the fact that I am usually scared out of my mind in elevators until I was OUT of the elevator.

Huge, right?

I don't really remember when or why this fear of mine first originated. I've not always been afraid. It used to not really be that big of a deal, but as I got older, it got worse, until I really couldn't ride an elevator without my heart racing, my breath fast, my knees shaking... I had to count the whole way. If I got to 100, THEN I was allowed to be scared. Usually I only got to about 25 or 30, so I never really freaked out. Just inside of me I did.

I would try SO HARD to be brave, it was just like physically impossible.

Oh. Also, I live on the 7th floor. The highest floor of any Freshman housing. When I figured this out on the first day of Vanderbilt, I figured it was God telling me to shape up and be brave. But I wouldn't be so easily persuaded.... I took those stairs every. single. day. Up and down and up and down! Yeah, it was probably good exercise, but every time I passed the elevator on my way to the stairs, I was reminded of this stupid fear I couldn't get over.

Then, one day I passed the elevator like normal, but this thought when through my mind: "Um. You should probably ride that." I stopped. I pondered. And then I said, "Meh. Tomorrow."

And so tomorrow, I did. I rode it two times. I rewarded myself with chocolate on the 7th floor both times. This was the beginning of my "Quest to get rid of my stupid fear that I hate and that needs to go away". The next day? I rode it 8 times. I was still scared out of my mind. But something inside of me had told me, "Um. You should probably ride that." Something really deep inside told me that without any force or persuasion or coaxing. And I had to do something about it.

And so I've ridden the elevator every day since then. Eventually, I could stop counting. Eventually, I didn't have to reward myself with chocolate, but simply with a sound mind. Eventually, my heart stopped racing, my breathing slowed down, and my knees stayed still. Eventually, I wasn't scared.

But I still thought about it. Every single time! I thought about how I should be scared or about how usually my knees are shaking or "I should probably warn this somewhat-nice-looking-stranger that I might grab his hand at any given moment during this ride".

But yesterday, I stepped out of the elevator and I realized,

I hadn't even thought about it.

5 months after that day that my little something told me to UM RIDE IT, I didn't even think about it.

"Don't quit. You keep walking. You keep trying. There is help and happiness ahead. Some blessings come soon. Some come late. Some don't come till heaven. But for those who embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ, they come. It will be alright in the end. Trust God and believe in good things to come."
--Elder Jeffrey R. Holland

Whether it's elevators, or taking tests, or chronic depression, God's there to help you out.

xoxo

Emily

This is a really blurry picture of me in an elevator. She had to get it QUICK before it closed haha!

My little piece of heaven.

For me, it's beautiful music.

For someone else it might be a piece of literature, for another a painted masterpiece. For some it might be the scene at the top of a tall mountain, or for another watching a child speak his first word.

For me, it's beautiful music.

It's that thing that just really speaks to your soul. It's the language of your heart. It's whatever it is that thing that God put on earth for you that "gives you hope for a better world", that reminds you that good is still winning, that lets you touch heaven.

For me, it's beautiful music.

It's Beethoven's "Pathetique" or Ravel's "Bolero". It's the Finale of Mahler 1, or the 1st movement of the Herbert cello concerto. Or the 2nd movement of Dvorak's 9th or the 1st movement of Beethoven's Triple.

For me, it's beautiful music.

You know, God wants for us to be happy. "Men are that they might have joy"! We are here to have joy! And even when times are the very hardest of all, there are still wonderful pieces of literature, and there are still really tall mountains to climb, and there are still little children saying "Mama" for the first time ever. And there's still beautiful music. There's still heaven to touch  and good to win and hope to feel. There are still smiles to give and smiles to receive. There are still sunrises to watch and hands to hold tight and walks to go on and there's still beautiful music.

What's your beautiful music? What is it that speaks to your soul? What is your heaven? Let it give you hope. Let it give you whatever it is you need to get up another day and try again. I promise there's some good waiting for you today. There's some hope waiting for you today. There's some heaven waiting for you today.

For me, it's beautiful music.

2014, BABY.

Well, it sure has been a while, ain't it.

Don't worry, I'm still alive. I would like to point out, though, that I am now 18 1/2, which is a big deal. Sorry if you missed my dance party in my room that day. Everyone missed it, actually, because I only invited myself.

Anyway, let's get the real stuff!! I checked my Facebook the other day, and apparently I finished my first semester of college!! You see, I slept so much of Christmas Break, these details of my life escaped my little mind. The nice thing about college is you don't have to remember ANYTHING over Christmas Break. (I mean, I tried to remember how to play the violin and how to write my name, but that's about it.) All of my classes only last one semester and then they're DONE FOREVERRRRR. So basically my Christmas Break was spent emptying my brain of all this information and creating room to put a bunch more in this semester.

Now, I will say 5 highlights of my first semester at college. And then I will say 5 lowlights, just to balance things out a bit.

NUMBER ONE:

I learned how to ride elevators. One day, I was marching down the hallway on the way to the stairs, and I saw the elevator out of the corner of my eye. I thought, "I should ride that." It was the first time that I thought of this without forcing myself to think it. And then I thought, "Naw, tomorrow." But, I kept that little promise to myself! I rode it the next day TWO WHOLE TIMES. And the next day? 8 times. EIGHT. Now, I ride it every day :)

NUMBER TWO:

I soloed with the UTAH FREAKIN SYMPHONY! Which, I mean, for a little girl like me was a huge deal. I just walked out there in a bright red dress with two handsome boys and played my little heart out. And it was the very best 18 minutes of my entire little life. I really like my violin.

NUMBER THREE:

I read the whole Book of Mormon in 40 DAYS!!! I was terribly nervous that this goal of mine that I set on November 4th wouldn't actually happen, considering I've never read the thing in less than like a year and a half. But, real life says that I did it! I finished about an hour before my last final as a first semester college Freshman on December 14, 2013. My mind was in a good place and my time was prioritized especially a lot during those 40 days and that's what I attribute my being alive right now to. Otherwise, finals would have eaten me alive.

NUMBER FOUR:

I can, without paying extra money, eat M&M's at every meal if I so desire. They come in the Meal Plan. I think that's all that needs to be said.

NUMBER FIVE:

I've learned more in one semester of college than I have in my entire life, I think. I've learned how to do theory and how to sing DO RE MI style. I've learned how to deal with stupid wrists. I've learned how to read the Book of Mormon super duper quick. I've learned how to go to class even when I would rather sleep for about 46 hours. I've learned how to consistently be close to God. I've learned how to ride elevators, and love my mom even when she's 1,648 miles away, and even how to lower my bunk bed with a broken sledge hammer and no boys to help me. (Melissa and I are awesome.)

All in all, it was one heck of a semester.

Now, my lowlights.

NUMBER ONE:

I lost my favorite ring. Um, annoying.

NUMBER TWO:

I have to shower with shoes on every day. Gross.

NUMBER THREE:

I've lost my finger nail clippers twice now, which is stupid, because I always need to clip my finger nails. I'm on my third pair in this very moment.

NUMBER FOUR:

Laundry costs money. Real money.

NUMBER FIVE:

It's really cold today.

I think there was more good than bad, yeah? Here's to a new brand new semester. Starting in approximately 1 hour and 23 minutes. Night, y'all.

All my love,

Emily